developments on jury questionnaire issue

[denizen]

I recently had occasion to use one of the suggested responses for a jury duty questionnaire. See ayanrand’s post at thereisnostate.proboards39.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1133612386#1133631401

Here was my response to the local county clerk:

“Re: two simple questions relating to the juror questionnaire requirements to sign under penalty of perjury. (Your juror No. xxxxx)

I am in receipt of your Pseudo County Juror Summons.

Before returning the Questionnaire I would like to ask the following:

A. Is my voluntary signature a necessary element to a properly completed jury questionnaire?
B. Is my signature considered voluntary, if given under the threat of force?

Thank you,”

I never heard from them!!

More recently I received a juror qualification questionnaire from US District Court. I responded in similar fashion.

The jury administrator replied:
“It is the policy of the United States that all citizens shall have the opportunity to be considered for service on grand and petit juries in the district courts of the United States and shall have the obligation to serve as jurors when summoned for that purpose.

According to federal statute . . . (snip) . . . complete the form, duly signed and sworn, to the court within ten days.”

To this I replied with the following:

“Dear Ms. ____:

Thank you for your letter of April xx urging me to complete and send in the questionnaire.

I feel I would be well qualified to be a juror; however, I still need the answers to the two simple questions your letter failed to respond to.

For clarification, I will repeat them below:”

Now today I received the following surprising reply:

“With regard to your inquiry, please be advised that your signature on the completed Juror Qualification Questionnaire is required and is not voluntary.

Complete it and return it within 10 days. Thank you”[/b]

I am contemplating just how to respond next? There is really no big thing to filling it out. The only questions which are issues are the - am I a citizen?; and, am I a resident?

Overriding all this is the fact that I am actually totally unable to ‘serve’ now since my spouse has recently been found to have stage 4 cancer, and I am the primary and essential caregiver. I should be able to complete the form with this fact and be excused.

On the other hand; I am tempted to play some more and use what I call ‘Darren’s template’? I will paste Darren’s most excellent post below, since I don’t have the URL for it.

I would be interested in ideas for response from any of the other denizens of AILL?

- denizen

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
--- all Darren from this point down ---

January 14, 2003

Ms. Gloria Gomez
Director, Juror Services Division
Office of Jury Commissioner
320 W. Temple Street, 15th Floor
Los Angeles, California 90012-3278

Re; JID Number - 123456789

Dear Ms. Gomez,

I have recently received a "Juror Summons" in the mail. This is my response to the Summons. In order to know if I am "qualified" to be a juror, I must complete "section A" - the Affidavit. I notice that I am expected to sign the Affidavit under penalty of perjury. In light of this fact, and to insure that I fully understand the legal terms being used on the Affidavit and the nature of the duty that may fall upon me in this matter, I will need your office to provide me with certain information.


In section "A", question 1, I am being asked if I am a "citizen of the United States". Please provide me with the statutory definition that you are using for the term "citizen of the United States" in question 1. Please include the source of the definition so that it may be seen in proper context.

In section "A", question 3, I am being asked if I am a "resident" of Los Angeles County. Please provide me with the statutory definition that you are using for the term "resident" in question 3. Please include the source of the definition so that it may be seen in proper context.

In section "A" (step 2) it instructs a person to sign the affidavit under penalty of perjury. Please provide me with your authority to compel me to affix my signature to any document (including the affidavit) under penalty of perjury.

You may mail your response to address shown at the top of this page. I appreciate your assistance in this matter.

Sincerely,

Joe [non]Citizen


I actually think the above has an almost TEMPLATE type of structure; i.e. the pattern of logic and wording could be followed for ANYTHING that you want to ... um, "challenge", shall we say

- - -

I'm think along the lines of (and certainly am not "advising" anyone anything)...

[myAttemptAtATemplate]

Re: [TerrorcratReferenceNumberSinceWereAllNumbersToThem]

Dear [Salutation] [LastNameOfTerrorcrat],

I have recently received a "[TitleOfTerrocraticAttack]" in the mail. This is my response to the [Attack]. In order to know if I am [PersonallyAndIndividuallyBoundByThisAllegedObligation], I must [ActionAnyoneOfReasonableIntelligenceWouldTake]. I notice that I am expected to [TakeActionIncludingProbableSIGNINGofName] the Affidavit under penalty of perjury. In light of this fact, and to insure that I fully understand the legal terms being used on the Affidavit and the nature of the [ObligationDutyOrWhateverIsBeingAlleged] that may fall upon me in this matter, I will need your office [<-- Notice it said YOUR OFFICE and not YOU] to provide me with certain information.

In section "A", question 1, I am being asked [Wow,NotAssumed!] if I am a "[InsertTerrorcratDesignationHere]". Please provide me with the statutory definition that you are using for the term "[DesignationRepeated]" in question 1. Please include the source [BRILLIANT!] of the definition so that it may be seen in proper context [CONTEXTisKeyInLegalStuff!].

In section "A", question 3, I am being asked if I am a "[InsertSecondTerrorcratDesignationHere]" of Los Angeles County. Please provide me with the statutory definition that you are using for the term "[SecondDesignationRepeated]" in question 1. Please include the source of the definition so that it may be seen in proper context.

In section "A" (step 2) it instructs a person to sign the affidavit under penalty of perjury. Please provide me with your authority to compel me to affix my signature to any document (including the affidavit) under penalty of perjury.

You may mail your response to the address shown at the top of this page. I appreciate your assistance [GoodLuckBuddy!HaHa!] in this matter.

Sincerely,

Joe [non]Citizen

[/myAttemptAtATemplate]

It's definitely not hostile, and barely confrontational (other than the VERY reasonable "(step 2) ... please provide me with your authority..." line), and it's clear and precise (which might remind the terrorcrat of how they are notorious for being the OPPOSITE!), and yes it has no "default clause" but hey we all know they often will ignore those anyway, and possible interpret that as hostility...

+++++++++++++++++++[/font]

[NonEntity]

Hi Deni,

I'm amazed by the response from them, "required and not voluntary."

I REALLY like Darren's form letter.

Considering that, I think what I would do is to wait about 7 of the 10 days and then write back and explain that you need further clarification as you are not a lawyer and are unqualified to make legal judgements. Ask them to provide the complete legal definition and law citations that explain what a "citizen" is and what a "resident" is so that you may understand what it is that they are requiring you to attest to.

- NonE

P. S. You know, it is so considerate of them to "that all citizens shall have the opportunity to be considered for service..." I like that in a thug, don't you?

P.P.S. You might also want to ask them about the perjury thing. That is a very scary word and you might want to know what that means legally, especially considering they are asking you to make legal judgments and so on...

[lummox2]

With regard to your inquiry, please be advised that your signature on the completed Juror Qualification Questionnaire is required and is not voluntary.

Then why the hell are they asking for it?

Ooh....this is always a fun one -

"What do you do with people who can't sign? i.e. people with no arms and other disabilities?"

[dvishnu]

lummox2 said:

With regard to your inquiry, please be advised that your signature on the completed Juror Qualification Questionnaire is required and is not voluntary.

Then why the hell are they asking for it?

Ooh....this is always a fun one -

"What do you do with people who can't sign? i.e. people with no arms and other disabilities?"

Why you stick those limbless blokes in the dock.... ;D

[Free Radical]

lummox2 said:

With regard to your inquiry, please be advised that your signature on the completed Juror Qualification Questionnaire is required and is not voluntary.

Then why the hell are they asking for it?

;D What exactly does a non-voluntary signature signify?

NOMOTHERFUCKERNOTHIN'.

Something like a compulsory handshake.

[NonEntity]

----- humorous and fictional entertainment-value-only perspective -----

Gentlemen,

Thank you for your response of <date>.

I understand that you state that my response is both required and coerced (not-voluntary).

Sadly I am still unable to fill out your form as you have failed to provide the law which defines citizen and resident. I am not a lawyer, but I understand that in legal issues the strict legal definition of a word in the context of the use is very important. Not being a lawyer, I do not understand the legal context here. It is therefore impossible for me to make an accurate response to your questionaire.

In order for me to supply the information you desire in a form that will be legally acceptablefor you in a timely fashion, please forward the legal definitions and law citations as soon as you can.

I'm still somewhat confused on whether a statement made under threat is legally valid, so any information you can provide on this would be of assistance as well.

Thanking you in advance,

Submitizen


-------- the above is fictional and for entertainment purposes only, of course. ---------

[ayanrand]

I was prepared for such thugary in response when I formulated those two questions. Here is how I would respond (minus the obvious editorial content in the greeting ).


Dear parasitic scumbag,

Thank you for you response, however I am confused by your reply. I'm not a lawyer and I do not understand.

Am I responsible for the content of the "jury questionnaire" which contains legal opinions I do not understand if the presense of my signature is compelled by threats of physical violence?

Thank you for time,

[denizen]

Thanks for the ideas on possible responses. They are much appreciated!
If, and when, the Marcster weighs in (with his usually incisive approach - hint, hint) I will make a decision on how to handle this?

(could this be the only thread which Darren resists posting?!)

[Neo]

why "Marcster"? define that.

there's another angle to all of this: if you play ball and sign the thing, then show up in court, during voir dire you can get disqualified from the jury chosen by answering in all the ways you know ahead of time will disqualify you, e.g., do you have any bias here? Yes, I do. I'm certain I know how to decide this case right now, even without knowing anything more about the facts or the law pertaining to it (what "judges" do for a living, by the way). Then put on your best poker face as they say good day. or just tell them point blank, "I think courts are corrupt and inept and scams based on my study of x, y, z." Then, when they ask, "why are you here?" You say, "you'd jail me if I didn't show!!!"

[denizen]

neo said:

why "Marcster"? define that.

I meant it only as a form of endearment. If it was taken otherwise, I apologize profusely !

I had just witnessed someone using that tacked-on ending when referring to someone held in high esteem, and I had taken it as complementary?

And thanks for your ideas, Neo.

[dentistsugardust]

Neo, You're crazy LoL

But that's the way you smudge faces in the land of puppets and marionettes

Man i'd love to do that script

[marc stevens]

I think I'd write back and ask them to be more specific regarding the voluntary part. Maybe I'd ask, if it's not voluntary, then why is my signature required?

I'd love to call and ask them what type of force they are willing to use to get me to sign the document. Are you going to place a gun to my forehead or in my mouth? Reminds me of the wedding scene in the Godfather when Don Vito and Luca Brasi met with the bandleader to get Johnny out of his contract.

Gee Mr. Terrocrat, let me get this straight, either my brains will be on the jury questionnaire or my signature? Sounds like a good deal to me, thank you for putting your life on the line to protect my freedoms, because freedom isn't free.

I have an idea, someone should make an MP3 of that story from the movie.

[Darren Dirt]

denizen said:

Thanks for the ideas on possible responses. They are much appreciated!
If, and when, the Marcster weighs in (with his usually incisive approach - hint, hint) I will make a decision on how to handle this?

(could this be the only thread which Darren resists posting?!)

"No comment" ^_^

[lummox2]

I understand this isn't the best advice ever, but from my own point of view, the answer "oh fuck off" would be forthcoming.

Just say "look, if that's your attitude, dipshit, then I will 100% find whoever you are wanting to prosecute innocent, even if he is is so patently guilty it will make me be openly laughed at in the street. In short, bugger off."

Fuck 'em, frankly.

[NonEntity]

lummox2 said:

Fuck 'em, frankly.

I don't have enough condoms, dear. And PLEASE, stop calling me Frank!

- NonE